People put a lot of time and attention into 401ks, stock portfolios, future financial planning.? But what about other parts to the equation?? Retirement means relational planning.? There are a whole host of variables that will change once retirement is set in motion.
I know a couple where the man retired from a very responsible position.? Without the palette for his considerable abilities he projected the same energy on to his home and family.? Strangely, his wife did not appreciate this too much.? She was used to defining her own space.? Appointing himself the new CEO wasn?t welcomed.? The problem was solved when he got a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter.? There he could channel his energy and need to be of service.
1. Re-definition of Time.? Many couples welcome this.? A casual time for morning coffee is the reward.? But if one person hasn?t planned out what they are going to do with their day the other can feel like that person is just hovering.? That can become stressful and affect their relationship.
?2. Re-definition of Space.? In retirement couples are thrown together much more intensely ? physically and emotionally.? The daily commute is gone.? The natural rhythm of being away at work has changed.? For a person who is used to freedom and independence this change can be difficult.? Work can also be an emotional counter-balance. When removed through retirement more is asked of the couple in terms of interaction and communication.
?3. Re-definition of Focus. Work and productivity give way to relationship-building and personal transformation.? How will family members adjust to this?? What happens when friends who are not retired cannot share your interests?? What about the spouse who is at a different place or out-of-synch when it comes to sharing your adventures?? Hobbies don?t always spring to mind.? What then?
?4. Re-definition of Relationship.? Couples that are child-focused can sometimes struggle when the last child leaves home.? Retirement also exposes problems in communication and closeness that were not there when business / career provided a ?distraction?.? What will we talk about if it?s not about work or children or grandchildren?? How well do I know my partner?? What activities can we enjoy together?? Can I count on them at this point in my life?
?5. Re-definition of Self.? Who am I without my work?? What is my value?? What is God calling me to do?? The question of planning is the question of whether we do this before retirement or after we are already there.? Gradually divesting oneself from work (if feasible), taking longer vacations with your spouse, making it a priority to learn a new skill or to volunteer or to develop other non-work-related interests are all ways we can begin to retire before we retire.
Financial planning might protect retirement. But the second phase of retirement planning is to examine the kind of things mentioned above.? These are what give retirement its satisfaction, meaning and constructive direction ? more than what simple financial planning can do.
The content above represents the views of this author.? It is for information purposes only.? If you are seeking help, consult with a professional who can tailor treatment to your specific need.? Any resemblance to a specific person in my writing is purely coincidental.? Thanks for reading and I welcome your thoughts and comments.
Tags: couple counseling, marriage counseling, mn, retirement
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